ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done
tiny-snail:

fromthepantiestotheannie:

ultrafacts:

korvi-krow:

yetanotherreferenceblog:

hchano:

faeriefountain:

pizza-supper:

paleosteno:

ultrafacts:

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

Whoa, it works:


wait what


holy shit

y’all enjoy your anime gifs while i just

YO THIS SHIT ACTUALLY WORKS

WHOA WHAT

WHAT
WHAT






HELL YES

tiny-snail:

fromthepantiestotheannie:

ultrafacts:

korvi-krow:

yetanotherreferenceblog:

hchano:

faeriefountain:

pizza-supper:

paleosteno:

ultrafacts:

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

Whoa, it works:

image

wait what

holy shit

y’all enjoy your anime gifs while i just


YO THIS SHIT ACTUALLY WORKS

WHOA WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

image

HELL YES

IF YOUR ART GETS STOLEN

rene-art:

harrypopsz:

jolly-godoflies:

https://www.tumblr.com/dmca
Go there, and do as the instructions say.
When my art was stolen, I got the post reported, and it was taken down. Don’t worry, it doesn’t just take down the sources post, but it takes down all the reblogged posts too.
Please give this a reblog, many artists out there may not know this is here.
And remember, ask permission before sharing, or don’t post it.

THIS IS BLOODY FANTASTIC

LET ME SMOOCH YOU

GOODBYE RE-POSTERS

HOLY SHIT

awdray:

I love her

zulayawolf:

imageimageimageimage

I present to you, in chronological order, every justice pun that apollo justice makes in apollo justice: ace attorney

frecklesrex:

11/? Favourite Supernatural Tumblr Posts

karkatsleftleg:

IM READY TO RUIN MY LIFE LOL

karkatsleftleg:

IM READY TO RUIN MY LIFE LOL

The Living Tombstone - Five Nights at Freddy's Song
214,272 plays

livingtombstone:

Lyrics: 

Verse 1:

We’re waiting every night

to finally roam and invite

newcomers to play with us

for many years we’ve been all alone

We’re forced to be still and play

The same songs we’ve known since that day

An imposter took our life away

Now we’re stuck here to decay

Pre-Chorus:

Please let us get in!

don’t lock us away!

We’re not like what you’re thinking

We’re poor little souls

who have lost all control

and we’re forced here to take that role

We’ve been all alone

Stuck in our little zone

Since 1987

Join us, be our friend

or just be stuck and defend

after all you only got

Chorus: x2

Five Nights at Freddy’s

Is this where you want to be

I just don’t get it

Why do you want to stay

Verse 2:

We’re really quite surprised

We get to see you another night

You should have looked for another job

you should have said to this place good-bye

It’s like there’s so much more

Maybe you’ve been in this place before

We remember a face like yours

You seem acquainted with those doors

-Pre-Chorus

-Chorus 

extrajordanary:

If this doesn’t mean anything to you, please listen to this priceless piece of comedy immediately.

extrajordanary:

If this doesn’t mean anything to you, please listen to this priceless piece of comedy immediately.

moonlightlatula:

Rufioh Nitram: The Snark addition

moonlightlatula:

Rufioh Nitram: The Snark addition

catandaguin:

purpleshirtofsex:

gabbyv23:

girlchan:

skype sleepovers may seem like a weird internet thing but theyre really cute and make u feel nice n safe because just imagine like having a nightmare or s/t but then you wake up and your friend in the call is there iTS PRETTY MUCH LIKE SLEEPING WITH THEM IRL AND ITS FUN AND SWEET

WAIT THOSE ARE THINGS?

FRIENDS

FRIENDS PLEASE

WE NEED TO DO THIS

see fish, i told ya they were real. no one ever believes me. :/

2creepychihuahuas:

illbeyourfavouritedrug:

heathyr:

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

my life changed forever when i found out the word “slang” was actually slang for “shortened language”

image

so slang is slang for slang

image

urtube:

pointless-posts-and-fandoms:

ibelieveinthilbo:

the—fandom—has—claimed—me:

ropunzel:

brigwife:

borrowed-blue-box:

REALLY, AGAIN? THE FUCKING REBLOG BUTTON WASRIGHTTHEREJESUS CRUST

jesus crust


this post is a mess

That is a tortilla. Tortillas do not have crusts.





Hello police please arrest this post

urtube:

pointless-posts-and-fandoms:

ibelieveinthilbo:

the—fandom—has—claimed—me:

ropunzel:

brigwife:

borrowed-blue-box:

REALLY, AGAIN? THE FUCKING REBLOG BUTTON WAS
RIGHT
THERE
JESUS CRUST

jesus crust

image

this post is a mess

That is a tortilla. Tortillas do not have crusts.

Hello police please arrest this post

aphprussia:

ITS SO ANNOYING WHEN TEACHERS EXPECT YOU TO USE A THE 3RING BINDER AND NOT PUNCH THINGS THEN THEY GET PISSED WHEN THE WHOLE CLASS IS GATHERED AROUND THE HOLE PUNCH AND THEY TELL US TO GO SIT DOWN AND DO IT LATER IN CLASS BUT THEN THE FUCJING TALK THE WHOLE DAMN PERIOD AND BY THEN WE FORGET TO PUNCH IT AND JUST JUST STUFF IT IN A POCKET AND THEN WHEN THEY CHECK YOUR BINDER THEY GET PISSED THAT ITS A MESS AND JUST

WE WOULDNT HAVE THIS PROBLEM IF 

YOU

FUCKING

PUNCHED

HOLES

IN 

PAPERS